A Special Understanding with parent Treacy Devlin

This really is "A Special Understanding".  It's an understanding of Treacy and everything she's been through in her life from years of mis-diagnosis and all that comes with that, of the trauma, fear and challenges of single parenting a neurodivergent child when you don't understand your own neurology.  It's the revelation when the penny drops.  It's fierce advocacy at school and in the world in general.  It's the special understanding and special relationship between a son and his mum.  A really heartfelt lived experience episode.  Enjoy!

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Resources mentioned during this podcast episode:

SPELD NSW  https://www.speldnsw.org.au/

Mental health resources: 
Helplines https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/mental-health-helplines 
Too Peas in a Podcast https://toopeasinapodcast.com.au/

Treacy's Instagram profile: @tdthendsocialworker

Transcript

00:38.49
louisekuchel
Well okay, so shall we start. Okay, let's go Okay I'll start welcome to the podcast Tracy devlin.

00:45.48
Treacy 
Yes, yep to.

00:54.44
Treacy 
Thank you? Yes, yeah, it does.

00:57.94
louisekuchel
Thank you for being here. It feels weird doesn't it I know I know so this is going to be great. Um, as I said in my introduction I actually already know you we're friends and that's really cool. But I think after talking to you the other day. Um.

01:09.61
Treacy 
Yeah.

01:17.10
louisekuchel
There's going to be things that we discussed today that I didn't know about you so I was getting a bit of an inkling um that there's a lot more to the story of tracy than I originally knew so I'm very excited today. You know I mean everyone brings something different to to the discussion and um, a different perspective.

01:25.40
Treacy 
The.

01:36.95
louisekuchel
And I was thinking oh chase would be really good because she's a single mom. Um, she's got lots of neurodiergent impacting her life. But actually I think it's going to be more than that. So excited to get chatting with you today. Yeah I can't wait. So.

01:47.16
Treacy 
Thank you I Can't believe some of um would want to record me. Ah.

01:56.77
louisekuchel
Ah, well you underestimate yourself because I was very excited and and thinking yes I think this is going to be good. Yeah, okay, well let's start you know doesn't have to be all me chatting and silliness. Let's start with um.

02:06.90
Treacy 
I think is ok. Ok.

02:15.34
louisekuchel
The icebreaker questions that we have um so the first 1 chacy is when the pandemic is over and we can travel again. Where do you want to go and why.

02:14.94
Treacy 
In yep.

02:25.61
Treacy 
Yeah that's a really I've been thinking about that ever since I've heard you ask it on other episodes and it's really tricky because I've only been 1 place and that was Hawaii for 3 days. So and I've kind of. Been thinking for the last year there goes any chance of me ever going anywhere say um, you know there's anywhere I anywhere I want to go so many places I don't have anywhere on the top of my list. So yeah, say anywhere.

02:46.18
louisekuchel
Yeah, exactly.

02:57.67
louisekuchel
Oh there you go So the world is your oyster literally? oh.

03:02.84
Treacy 
Yeah, yeah, I'm probably more I'm more interested going as with everything in what? not everyone else is doing or so maybe you know be different. Yep.

03:11.00
louisekuchel
Yeah, somewhere a bit different. Yeah exactly? Yeah well I've been to some I've been so lucky to go to some pretty amazing places and places I never thought I'd go and yeah, it's um, it's It's always the places that people aren't that aren't popular that are often.

03:21.46
Treacy 
Yeah.

03:29.87
louisekuchel
Turn out to be your favorite. So yeah, oh well, you've got the rest of your life to do that I go I Guess um and our next question is if you could have a superpower. What would it be and why.

03:29.21
Treacy 
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:41.30
Treacy 
Yeah I can't I've I've got 2 2 kind of ones like I'd like to be out to control the web bar because I hate I hate whether it's rate like today I like it's sunny and beach like.

03:54.19
louisekuchel
Um, yes, raining? yeah.

03:58.88
Treacy 
Sun Sunshine I Just love sunny days Warm sunny days or I guess some kind of time shifter like I could top stop time like when something's really good or go back and read I've got a lot of redos I'd like.

04:08.57
louisekuchel
Um, yeah.

04:16.14
louisekuchel
Me too I think that's a popular 1 A lot of people want to redo certain things or resay certain things.

04:16.45
Treacy 
Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not 1 of these people when they say oh would you I wouldn't change it for the world of like I I would yeah.

04:29.13
louisekuchel
Yeah I'd change a few things. Yeah, fair enough. Oh well, we'll hear more about that in a minute um and the final question is what is your connection to the concept of the square peg in the round hole.

04:36.31
Treacy 
Hit.

04:45.59
Treacy 
Ah, well me and my son are both Neuros Neuro diverget and I guess from what I'm uncovering so is a lot of my family and um.

04:59.54
louisekuchel
Who.

05:03.66
Treacy 
It's actually a term I've been using with my son for a while but I really liked when you called your podcast. Yeah, so yeah, yeah.

05:05.45
louisekuchel
Um, oh good. Well thank you? Yes, Well as I've said before um and you know because we've chatted about all of this before but um, it came to me very quickly I just thought. I immediately thought of a square peg and a round hole and the number of times I've heard people describing these issues that way some people say round peganists in a square hole. But it's the same thing. It doesn't really matter the shapes.

05:28.29
Treacy 
Um, yeah, ah yeah I I say um, we've got different edges like we're diamonds or.

05:42.49
louisekuchel
Yeah, absolutely yeah, it's the same thing. What whichever way you say it the concepts the same and it's about not changing the person but changing the environment to accept them how they are yeah.

05:44.14
Treacy 
Where triangles and stuff trying to fit into round holes. So it yeah same concept. Yeah.

06:01.20
Treacy 
That's right? yep.

06:02.41
louisekuchel
Yes, well let's get into it. Let's start. So um, we've got lots of really broad questions for you today so you can open up as much as you feel comfortable because I know that once we scratch the surface we're going to find major.

06:09.11
Treacy 
Okay.

06:19.76
louisekuchel
You've lived a lot of your life already. You've lived a very um, colorful life. So let's hear more about it. Why don't we start with your childhood and tell us about Tracy and who is tracy.

06:20.37
Treacy 
A.

06:28.74
Treacy 
Okay.

06:34.73
louisekuchel
What was it like for you growing up what sort of things and experiences did you have.

06:38.57
Treacy 
Okay, um I Guess just from what you said like um I feel like I Yeah yes, I've had a lot go on in my life but it feels very boring and dull compar to a lot of peoples in that like I haven't even traveled or anything but um. Ah, guess. Ah, my childhood to sum up I'd say it was hard. Um, so I just moking around the other day thinking about some old Tv shows that I enjoyed as a child and I kind of realized that they're all my happy memories of childhood.

07:14.30
louisekuchel
Um, right? And then.

07:16.54
Treacy 
Tv shows rather than things that happen. Um, so ah, you know I grew up with a single mother who you know was very close to my father but he he wasn't well a lot of my life and Um. He wasn't able to be there in a fathering capacity for a lot of it and my mum had stuff going On. We were We struggled a lot financially and then um, my mom got remarried and we moved to another part of sydney.

07:39.23
louisekuchel
Who.

07:53.93
Treacy 
And I guess that was also time Puby started and things got really hard high school was really hard, especially being new area. Um I never fit in any way in my whole life like I always um, quite.

07:56.89
louisekuchel
Who.

08:11.65
Treacy 
Out there. A lot of people stay and I find it easy to well I appear to find it easy to talk to people and make connections. But I really struggle with having friendships I'm not someone that's had a friend the same friend since Kindergarten or anything like that. Um, so I really struggled in regards to always feeling left out or different especially in high school. Um, you know so many people around I always thought it was cause I'm tall taller than everyone else.

08:47.29
louisekuchel
Yeah, you are tall.

08:51.20
Treacy 
And um through school I was always the tallest until like you eleven and then the boy shot up but I realize now it wasn't just because I was poor and so I um that didn't help me hide not being tall. But yeah I you know.

09:03.49
louisekuchel
My.

09:08.32
Treacy 
Constant ah receive constant bullying not fitting in people think I thought were friends and then they weren't friends just people would come up to be they with things like they didn't like be so I had a lot of trouble with that. And high school I was quite Suppressed. Um, and ah I always loved learning but I found like with the um Hc and stuff that was really difficult I know now. Um you know obviously because.

09:38.81
louisekuchel
E e.

09:44.57
Treacy 
Undiagnosed and but I was always trying to fit in I was always studying people studying like body language spend hours looking at light dolly magazines try to look. Even to know how to make my face look a certain way lots of masking and stuff like that that I developed skills of very early on So yeah, child childhood was hard. Yeah.

10:06.24
louisekuchel
Um, Wow Yeah, yeah, and you mentioned your mom had some difficulties and things and your dad obviously but do what do you think was going on.

10:19.55
Treacy 
Yep, see it.

10:25.18
louisekuchel
Was it just that they didn't or particularly your mum didn't have any support and it was just another era that all of this just went under the radar kind of thing whereas these days. Do you think it would be different.

10:28.72
Treacy 
Yeah.

10:35.41
Treacy 
Ah, yes, and no like my mom had a lot of things happened to her the child five feet. You know that's affected her parents in. Um I mean she loved. Ah you know? Ah. We Love each other lot. She's always and she's always done everything she could write by Alan and but yeah I know she struggled and she didn't her. She was adopted and her parents um were a lot older than her like ah even though parents are older. They were like.

11:09.74
louisekuchel
Like grandparent age.

11:11.25
Treacy 
Mother was in her mid forty s when she was adopted as a young child so you know they were from a different generation again and so she yeah and she didn't have any support she was brought up as an only child and my father he. Ah. He had didn't have any support at all either. So it was I can't remember you were christian. Oh yeah, so in that regards they weren't supported and Mom. You know a mom struggled financially as I said but also.

11:39.57
louisekuchel
Ah, it's okay, do.

11:49.68
Treacy 
But I don't think a lot has changed as well like we're better about talking about some things but we aren't and um I Guess yeah, that will come up a bit I guess when we talk about my parentine. Yeah no I have a sister.

11:59.16
louisekuchel
Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, so were you an only child as well. Ah, you got a sister. Ah.

12:09.32
Treacy 
Ah, younger sister. Yes, not so little anymore. She's forty now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but she had a lot of the same problems I had but because I was louder and older.

12:12.76
louisekuchel
They all grow up. Okay Ryan Okay, okay.

12:28.70
Treacy 
I Do i' did share to mask as a lot as I did. But yeah we had a lot of similar problems because I could mask a bit better I did better generally socially than she did if if I guess you could call. But yeah.

12:33.74
louisekuchel
Woo.

12:40.24
louisekuchel
Yes, yes, yes, yes well I'd want to hear more about the masking because I'm um ah I have a feeling that's affected a lot of your life hasn't ah yeah, okay, well we'll get to get to that as we keep going so you grew up.

12:46.84
Treacy 
Yeah, yeah.

12:56.19
Treacy 
Yeah, yeah.

12:58.15
louisekuchel
And you know it wasn't easy but you got through and then tell us about what happened next.

13:04.11
Treacy 
Ah, so I did really badly in the hate chesc I know now because eighty I had 8 have eighty eight d and um, you know I couldn't study I just could not study to save my life I couldn't sit there I couldn't.

13:19.83
louisekuchel
Um.

13:23.50
Treacy 
Focus you know. So anyway that was um, ah so I ended up getting a mark of 20 seven for t r which um yeah.

13:33.42
louisekuchel
Yeah, we've talked about this before you've you've actually reassured me a lot by telling me that information. Um, and you know why because of you know I've got kids as well. Um, yeah, it's interesting.

13:42.10
Treacy 
That's good. Yeah yeah, that's right and I um I was quite ashamed I was quite ashamed of that for a long time. Actually my I got my Hsc results from rip to buffer through the somewhere because I was so upset.

13:51.98
louisekuchel
E. Um, yeah, did you.

14:00.10
Treacy 
And I felt so a step for myself. But also 1 a teacher in particular that took so much time with feel felt like I'd let her down but I share that now because of what you said and because I know so many teenagers are struggling because.

14:09.90
louisekuchel
The.

14:15.10
louisekuchel
Who.

14:17.26
Treacy 
Yeah I got that Mark and now I have a degree and a master's so doesn't say anything. Yes.

14:20.32
louisekuchel
I know I know see that feel that just just before you keep going. Firstly I'll just clarify for anyone who's listening from somewhere else. The Hsc is the end of schooling So all it's it's before you go to University or you go and get a job or whatever you do next in case, anyone wanted to know that.

14:37.92
Treacy 
Yep.

14:40.25
louisekuchel
And the mark of 27 would be like a twenty seven percentage sort of ah out of 1 hundred. Yeah okay, just clarifying that but but but it just speaks volumes like you say of um, it's not the end of the world at all. But it's part of your story. It's such an important part because that's a low.

14:43.76
Treacy 
Yep, yeah, and yep.

14:53.49
Treacy 
That's right? Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that's okay so yeah I think when you get.

14:58.56
louisekuchel
Isn't it a terrible awful traumatic experience. You went through there but look we, you've come and keep going sorry.

15:08.94
Treacy 
25 or below. They don't even give you a score so that's how low my mark was and it was devastating to me because I also just had in my head I was going to uni I was going to go to uni I wasn't hundred percent sure what I wanted to do uni but that was just.

15:10.39
louisekuchel
Right? yeah.

15:27.61
Treacy 
This idea I had that like finished school go to uni and obviously not 1 wanted me after that. So um, what happened is you know I've always had a strong work air Speaker 14 nine months I was old enough to get a job I did and that was also out of necessity because we didn't have. Much money and that was the only way I could have spending money but um, so so um, my mum put me into a secretarial course like a 6 Ix-we course and I did that and started working in as an office junior in an accounting firm. And but I still wanted to go to India I Just excuse me I didn't know why but I just wanted to go and I kept apply and play for go and I was also like I Love learning So I was also studying accounting at tafe I Just thought I should because I was at that accounting firm. And then I finally got into uni and I got into a communications degree. So I think I was 20 Um, you know my mental health was going up and down all this time I you know I got quite depressed over and over again and I do know now that 1 reason is Because. Didn't know my diagnosis is and I didn't have this and I was unmedicated. You know I was trying to live like a neurotypical person and I wasn't coping and because I was constantly trying to pretend I was somebody I wasn't so I wasn't doing well at uni and I remember.

16:49.63
louisekuchel
E.

16:57.94
louisekuchel
M.

17:03.51
Treacy 
I think I was in my second 3 quarterrters through my second year I was sitting in the Councillor's office at uni waiting to talk to a councillor and I was flicking for a brochure and I saw community welfare degree and um I was really enjoying because I was doing communications with the sub major in history politics. Um, philosophy and I was really loving politics you know and the social politics of things and um and because since yeah.

17:33.30
louisekuchel
That's interesting. That's like a so social conscience of some sort coming through isn't it. Do you think? yeah.

17:39.26
Treacy 
That's right and I'd seen how my father you know he'd He's a very very intelligent man but because of I guess what I I think is undiagnosed autistic and because of.

17:52.60
louisekuchel
He.

17:54.37
Treacy 
His life struggles. He wasn't doing so well and I saw that going on and I just wanted to do something about that and so and I I think I've got that real ad Hd sense of justice. So anyway I was flicking through the notion I went Oh that's that's kind of.

18:01.32
louisekuchel
In. Who.

18:13.90
Treacy 
That's my issue I'm just doing the run course and I went into the Councillor's room and said oh how what can I help you if I so solve it so I just changed degrees that I went into community welfare.

18:19.16
louisekuchel
Who.

18:26.20
Treacy 
And um, if only I'd just turned the page to the next page and I was seen social work and I'm not all enough had to go back and study. But anyway so I changed degrees and I'm not saying that I still I've never ever got a high distinction ever in all my.

18:29.30
louisekuchel
Yes.

18:44.70
Treacy 
Studying at uni. Um, and I you know would have liked that but I'm just saying that because I've never I didn't ever have the attitude you know p get degrees. Don't put in a lot of effort I put in ah so much effort but I never did well and that's again.

19:03.83
louisekuchel
Who.

19:03.40
Treacy 
Because of the adhd I think but I did I finished my degree and I graduated in 2000 degree as a community worker and I spent a long time working for the state government in the old a department fax aging disability and hopeki.

19:21.16
louisekuchel
New.

19:22.42
Treacy 
So I worked a lot supporting people with disabilities. Oh God I was a case manager for a long time in early intervention and school aids and when now when I think about the things I used to tell Parrots I cridge. Yeah.

19:31.46
louisekuchel
Yes, me too and I didn't even have that job but it's still ah this is so relevant and this so so um I hope young.

19:41.47
Treacy 
Yeah, so.

19:45.44
louisekuchel
Families and young Mums are listening to you talk right now and don't beat yourself up because we don't get it for a while and that's what this podcast is all about trying to help people to take the shorter road than you and I had to take because we didn't have other people mentoring us or giving us this information.

19:50.82
Treacy 
Yeah, that's right.

20:02.40
Treacy 
Yeah, that's right? Yeah well so that was excuse me so like 2005 how many years ago is that at 16 years ago

20:05.44
louisekuchel
Ahead of time and now we look back and go oh I did not get it but I'm getting it a bit better now. Yeah.

20:18.86
louisekuchel
Um, yeah.

20:20.96
Treacy 
You know, even we've come so far in understanding things then like I thought ad ah I still thought Adhd back then was you know, bad parenting. Um I thought Autism was caused by too much cortisol and um.

20:23.89
louisekuchel
Yes.

20:39.18
louisekuchel
Um.

20:39.53
Treacy 
Um, stress and you know there was a really I just spoke about this the other day but there was this really there was research at the time about brain development in children and the attachment you know the frozen mother study and and ah so that's where they got a child. Um they it's.

20:51.58
louisekuchel
Um, well, that's.

20:58.94
Treacy 
Quite famous. Um a mother and a baby and she doesn't respond to her baby and you see the baby trying to get her attention and then the baby gives up and um, you know, ah there was at that time that was the. Information was out there that that causes allism and we know that's not true now. But you know I I quite in and I believe that and I actually had lots of autistic clients but they were mostly boys and girls and.

21:18.53
louisekuchel
Um, yes, Ryan yeah.

21:34.29
Treacy 
Um, 1 or 2 girls and you had to have an intellectual disability to be eligible for that service. So you know I wasn't ever seen autism below what they? yeah that's right in inverted Commas low functioning or often non-verbal so I had this totally different idea.

21:38.19
louisekuchel
Right? You were just seeing 1 tiny piece of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's very familiar.

21:54.10
Treacy 
Yeah, but ah yeah, that's right? Yeah so I wasn't in a good marriage so went.

21:57.56
louisekuchel
Very familiar story. Yes, for a lot of people and so tell us now about becoming a parent.

22:13.22
Treacy 
I wanted to be a month so I became a mom when I was 30 and you know that's not that old but you know ah it it didn't you know it I wanted to be a month for so long before that and anyways, so I then um I had a miscarriage and then I had. Noaa and I got quite depressed in Pregnancy. What do they call it annatal depression pre prenatal or something. Yeah anyway I got that and I actually had to go off work at thirty weeks or something.

22:39.69
louisekuchel
Ah, pre night prenatal I don't know. Yeah I get all that mixed up. I k.

22:50.15
Treacy 
I was put on sick leave and you know I know a lot now about ad 8 to be in hormones especially in women and I wasn't in a good marriage I was still trying to mask at work. Do a job that I found really difficult I'd also be. Transferred at work. So you know I had so much going on and then um so I had noa it ley's cottageted folks. He he you know I think a lot of people rescued some baby 8 these their babies were quite Similar. Um. So now we had relux wouldn't sleep longer than 3 hours if I was lucky. Did you know cat Napped only on top of me so I didn't get much sleep and I didn't have a supportive partner I was doing. You know every everything and I wasn't struggling.

23:31.81
louisekuchel
Ep yeah.

23:44.70
Treacy 
Wasn't coping I was doing really badly I also had terrible postnatal depression and in my head the whole time thinking I'm going to cause hippile autism little dinner I I have autism and my family anyway. So I had and I my pain. My postmatal depression was very bad and back then. They didn't have the supports they do now with you know mental health for Bums. So I I was actually scared I was going to hurt noah so I I begged people to help me and I actually got put into tricelium for a week

24:12.42
louisekuchel
E.

24:18.29
louisekuchel
Um, okay yeah, what was that like.

24:20.87
Treacy 
As a way of help and I was I had to remember? Yeah, it was good. It was hard because I was I was um I Found this thing called attachment Parenting. And I you know I try not to judge other people. Parents is the hardest job in the World. You have to do what you have to do and we don't get any supports in the Western world as being parents like we hope should look at a lot of other cultures. My Partners Step brothers. Wife or Partner. She's as she is an in samoan woman I Hope I'm getting that right? and um and my partners by I and sister Torres Strait Island and so they've got this totally different. There.

25:04.72
louisekuchel
Um, ah 1 on it's okay here.

25:18.11
Treacy 
Family attitude to the family and bringing up children and so I guess she's my sister-in-law. She actually sets ah has this program. She runs in in cairns where it's about supporting mothers in the first thousand days of their life like mothers shouldn't have to do anything. Should be getting support with everything that this community should be around her and we we don't do that and I think we really should be and um so I had very little support so you know I got that bit of time out while I was time out in trucilia but they were very much into.

25:41.88
louisekuchel
Yes.

25:57.70
Treacy 
Wanted to do controlled cry wanteding to take no away from me and I was the opposite you know and I guess where he was called a highly sensitive baby. He had to be worn by me all the time on my front like he couldn't go in the car I spent the first years of his life withing straps.

26:15.81
louisekuchel
Yeah.

26:16.72
Treacy 
My funnel my back and it didn't fit in with my parenting styles and I'd got quite stressed about that and they would say I don't understand why you're so funny about this but to me and I guess it set me up with my attitude now is that. Ah, baby is crime for a reason they can't talk and they're trying to tell you something I don't agree when people say that babies are trying to manipulate you or you know you know like how can a baby do that anyway. So I Believe every cry was some kind of communication or whatnot. And I was breastfeeding on demand and things so but the good thing about trisillian is because I was so unwell and I know now that there might have even been a child protection report made about me is that I was given a nanny sort of thing what they call. Still have it so I got 12 hours a day or ten hours with ah some huge amount of a child care worker in the home and for that I got that for six months but for the first 2 months all I did was sleep and she would bring the baby.

27:20.45
louisekuchel
Not.

27:30.98
Treacy 
Ah, bring number to me for breastfeed and stuff and that just allowed. Yeah I did and yeah, yeah, that's right and um, and so ah, yeah, that.

27:33.78
louisekuchel
So you had to essentially you had to hit rock bottom before you got right rather than it being proactive. Yep.

27:50.27
Treacy 
That lay me that rest was a lot of what I needed and allowed me to get fine him but I wasn't 1 of these mums and it really upsets me but I couldn't I couldn't put noah down or do things you know, clean and everything like I had and I know now that my hormones were totallyshed shot.

28:06.18
louisekuchel
Yeah.

28:07.73
Treacy 
And that makes Adhd a lot worse for women and I wasn't even diagnosed so that was really hard Anyway, Logs yeah.

28:10.81
louisekuchel
Yeah, you know it's like a light bulb moment though. So reminds me of my own experience or not just me but like what ash my husband said on here as well. Just that sometimes you just got to use your instincts and you don't you find out.

28:21.58
Treacy 
Um, yeah, yeah, that's right.

28:30.23
louisekuchel
Later and you look back at it and go well that was the right thing to do and now I have words for it. But at the time it just felt right? Yeah yeah.

28:33.91
Treacy 
Yeah, that's right? Yeah, so anyway I know. Ah, um, I'd been working in disability. So I knew a lot about child development and Noaa was doing everything.

28:45.91
louisekuchel
Um.

28:53.70
Treacy 
That he should when he should but he didn't talk and she wasn't talking and I kept raising that with people Theella Childhooders people and they how he's just a boy and um' like okay so ah, well.

29:06.30
louisekuchel
Yep, how old was he when he wasn't talking like.

29:11.78
Treacy 
I got here to I finally got someone a eighteen months old he was when I got given some help through the community bill a childhood team. He saw Speech pathologist and not recently I read his.

29:24.16
louisekuchel
Rah.

29:30.63
Treacy 
Assessment from there and if clear eighty eight d science and stuff like he was called disrupt hit I eighty month I was it said he was disrupting the rest of the group and anyway, um.

29:35.38
louisekuchel
Yep.

29:40.19
louisekuchel
Oh Wow far. Ah.

29:45.57
Treacy 
Because I worked for the government and in teams that were delivering speech and Ot and everything I knew he wasn't going to get much there. So I found I had gone back to work because I couldn't handle being at home all day to do nothing so I had gone back to work. So fortunately I could afford to pay for private therapy and I had.

29:56.75
louisekuchel
M.

30:04.83
Treacy 
No, it see the private speech therapy from about eighty months old. No 1 said he at autism or or ad eightc and he was in full-time daycare from twenty months um that was when my marriage ended and he was import but still nothing. They always just.

30:09.48
louisekuchel
Who.

30:24.54
Treacy 
His communication and you know noah's very very intelligent and I've got the test proved that and but you know so I think that's 1 reason he was able to get but noah didn't actually start talking till he was 3 years old

30:30.44
louisekuchel
Who.

30:37.60
louisekuchel
Right? Okay Wow I didn't know that about him. Wow Again, a familiar story like my own story but not just me all these other people out there listening right now would be thinking the same thing listen to your gut.

30:40.71
Treacy 
Yeah, yes, yes, yeah, yeah, that's right, Yeah, that's right.

30:56.21
louisekuchel
You're hearing it now from another parent listen and just keep fighting and asking and if it doesn't feel right to you. You've got a 3 hree-yearold and they're not speaking or their language appears to be affected. Somehow definitely go and keep going asking trying to get the help.

30:58.28
Treacy 
Yeah, yeah.

31:09.23
Treacy 
Yep, that's right? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Ah, but it's funny because I so I think now about no 1 not talking but he was communicating and we communicated and that's why.

31:15.60
louisekuchel
Is.

31:24.00
louisekuchel
Woo.

31:25.29
Treacy 
I Guess um I have to remind myself that that wasn't actually because he and maybe that's why he didn't maybe that prolonged it a bit because he had ways of communicating. But anyways so um, yes, yeah, yeah.

31:32.25
louisekuchel
Yeah, and you had a so you're very close with him. You have a special understanding between you don't you which is what we've called this episode and you know it's hard when you are the only parent I'm sure you haven't got anyone else to bounce it off if if.

31:44.24
Treacy 
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.

31:50.42
louisekuchel
Your marriage was ending at that time you're sitting there second guesssing yourself, you've got your own questions about your own neurology and what's going on with you far out tracy you should be so proud honestly of what you've done. It's really, you've done a brilliant job.

31:55.99
Treacy 
Yeah, that's right? yeah.

32:06.80
Treacy 
Thank you? yeah.

32:08.63
louisekuchel
Still happening but you you really honestly when you say it like this right and you you must hear yourself saying and you listen back to this conversation just really stop and think about how brilliant you are because you really are.

32:23.16
Treacy 
Thanks, um, were and nice. Um, but yeah, so um, and no no because I wanted to talk a bit more about that if I could because um, um.

32:26.67
louisekuchel
Sorry. Sorry I'll ask you do you want me to ask you a question. Are you right? Yes, please? yeah.

32:41.31
Treacy 
Get really frustrated thinking now about how no 1 you know, picked up things and I guess it's because he was so good at finding that way of communicating and like me Noaa is really good. You know it depends but he was social.

32:45.28
louisekuchel
Um, m.

33:00.28
Treacy 
People said no he can't be autistic because he's social so you know he had little friendships and he could play. You know that he had he wasn't and it wasn't beating up other kids and stuff because you know and everyone only thinks a the hd is you know destroying the joy etc.

33:02.47
louisekuchel
Yeah, yep.

33:12.90
louisekuchel
Um, he's gorgeous. Um.

33:19.59
Treacy 
So yeah, um, and so I wasn't but you know I still had him in Ot all this time I'm not Ot Speech he did C. Ah, but and then it wasn't till he started school um and ah but Noaa did have anxiety. Even before school I went I did the cool little kids program when it was pretty new so that was when I myself went to um, a psychologist in ways to support Noah's anxiety because he had all those fears of Thunder his of hair dryers.

33:41.86
louisekuchel
Oh yes, yes.

33:58.60
louisekuchel
Yep yep yep and you can see me and I'm just going Yes, oh my goodness yes because we're looking at each other people can't see us when they're listening to this but we're just both like ah wide eyed going? yes.

33:58.62
Treacy 
Laugh because you're like oh they stick cheek kicked but back then? yeah yeah, that yes yes.

34:13.21
louisekuchel
Ah I Just can't tell you how much I relate to this. Ah yeah, our little boys and we're going to the the um psychologist and we don't know we think if we just take them to a psychologist. They'll say yep, they're anxious and.

34:14.29
Treacy 
Ah, La. It's just a ah. Yeah.

34:29.92
louisekuchel
You just got to I don't know do a few of these things they tell you to do and then it'll go away Well, that's what I used to think.

34:29.44
Treacy 
That's right? Yeah, yeah, exactly add wool and but they tell you to do quite what I see as brutal strategies like Noah what's triggered me to get that help is.

34:41.48
louisekuchel
Um.

34:46.19
Treacy 
1 day. No he loves being in swimming pools like it's really killing him at the moment that he can't going into the heated pools. But anyway um, he saw used to take him to the pool all the time and like you do you get? you do swimming lessons and he was loving swimming and then 1 day he just couldn't do it anymore.

34:48.98
louisekuchel
E.

35:04.81
Treacy 
And I still to this day. Do not know exactly what it was that stopped it but he was terrified and that prompted me to get help and you know the ideas back then would just throw him in force him to do it. You know and I just couldn't bring myself to do that I'd see the terror in his eyes and.

35:15.67
louisekuchel
You.

35:23.87
louisekuchel
Yep.

35:23.94
Treacy 
And I could never do that with anything people would always say just do it and I just couldn't so anyway then he ended up at school which you'll do and with Noah there's always that gentle gentle taking long time to prepare so we did all the and apparently I was.

35:29.54
louisekuchel
Yep.

35:43.84
louisekuchel
Right.

35:43.72
Treacy 
Just the same. So um, I'm 1 of the older kids I was always 1 of the older kids at school because the preschool told my mom I wasn't ready socially so I was kept back asi and so noa was a lot like I was always cut old that was just like you so I had to do all the social.

35:54.17
louisekuchel
Okay, who.

36:03.20
Treacy 
Stories all the prep drive used to drive past the school every day That's where you'll be going to school. You know all that stuff and then he was yeah you know he was happy and but he I just kept Danny told he's got problems. You know he's He's fine.

36:18.81
louisekuchel
Who who said that sorry oh yeah, that yes so that so so let yes tell us about school so he started school and how long did it take before things started happening and you started hearing those sort of messages from school.

36:22.51
Treacy 
All the teachers. Yeah yeah.

36:33.53
Treacy 
Ah, straight away. So sorry I to use sleep up before it it? Um, so I Don have another simple water cool. So.

36:37.16
louisekuchel
Um, note yourself no usually bars and podcasts take your time I can edit all this out.

36:52.24
Treacy 
Um I um I went to school while he was at enrollment time saying he has the speech so a I provided all the reports from Speech told them about the anxiety so like I never went in there as. Ah, parent that refuses to accept. There's anything you know going on I was upfront anyway, so straight away because you know they do that testing straight away the kids in school. Um I was told problems but all I ever get.

37:12.66
louisekuchel
He who.

37:20.20
louisekuchel
Yeah, yeah.

37:29.92
louisekuchel
What the problem is yeah right? yeah.

37:28.92
Treacy 
Got told was there was problems. Never let's look at ways to help that or what can we do to support your son was always. There's problems and this then was going on in year 1 you know I just I started hating the school and. And and you know I know teachers are so incredibly overworked and not supported enough but there was still at the end of the day there is still. You can still be supportive and you can be nice to pirots and I wasn't in denial of going to them anyway, they just kept saying.

37:59.77
louisekuchel
Um, yeah.

38:07.66
Treacy 
And so they said we're going to do in the assessment and I said well you know what's that going to help you I'd been working I was at that time I was a convener of the new South Waless department of ageging disability and home cares intake panel for half of Metro sydney. So like that means by.

38:23.12
louisekuchel
Right.

38:26.70
Treacy 
In a panel meeting once a week looking at psychometric assessments and adaptive function assessments alongside a psychologist assessing? Yeah so that's right? So I said to them and.

38:29.96
louisekuchel
Um, so you've got a little bit of extra understanding here. It's not like the run of the Mill parent who's yeah yeah.

38:44.49
Treacy 
Iq assessment isn't going to tell you anything I know he doesn't have an intellectual disability and surprise surprise that came back saying he was above average and that is we've not been able to read because we know now that noa has severe dyslexia so that was without. Without being able to read and without being medicated for adhc he got those marks and I said well that's you know, could you do an adaptive functioning assessment side and they're like oh they want to do that and then they reassessed him again without my permissioned sort of that's another. And again it showed nothing and I kept saying well and you there was like they brought me in for Meetings. You've got to do something about this you like and I was you know I was just worn down by that stage I was single mother I was working in managerial. Things that work not coping I was just doing that to earn more money to pay for all these therapies and stuff. So I um I just used I saw them you'd see regular names coming through on their assessments at work. So I thought I'll just ring 1 of those psychologists that came 1 of.

39:43.23
louisekuchel
Who.

39:58.80
Treacy 
Used to write a lot of the reports. So I took noah to see him and he was puzzled by noah and he I remember him reading the reports and he said um and he had a couple of sessions we know and he said I think there's something else going on and he referred us to this woman Rhonda filmer who's actually the.

40:18.61
louisekuchel
Oh yes, yes.

40:18.80
Treacy 
Chair of spelled New South Wales and um, she didn't assess and she said oh your son has dyslexia I Thought oh yeah, well that makes sense. He couldn't read blah blah blah and then she said I think also he has eighty Eight D She came out in a break to tell me that while he was.

40:33.67
louisekuchel
Rose. Yeah.

40:37.54
Treacy 
And I said oh no, you know, thinking of the naughty kid Bye but I said no she said no I think she he does she said Google it while you're waiting and I was like ah yup can't sit still. Ah yep, you know? Yes, can't sit still.

40:43.36
louisekuchel
Yep.

40:50.42
louisekuchel
My God I've got chills. Yeah.

40:57.53
Treacy 
Um, can't regulate emotional as this reading everything I went Oh my God and then she came out and I think she was prepared for me again to be in denial because they always have these sps ready to go and I was like yeah that's him and I said what do I do about it.

41:09.67
louisekuchel
Um, who yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, how old was he how old is he now? yeah.

41:17.35
Treacy 
And she says you've got to get him to a pediatrician and so I know it now it's hard he was. He's now nearly he'll be thirteen next month in October but he was 7 then and so this was 7 and I'd been getting him help since eighteen months old.

41:28.20
louisekuchel
Yeah, Well yeah. Yeah, just think what the trauma he's gone through yeah and you and you not just him. Yeah, um.

41:35.98
Treacy 
So yeah, that's right, That's right, yeah and Noaa is a people pleaser and you know it doesn't he shouldn't have to be a people please on thatition itself but he wanted to make everyone happy.

41:50.20
louisekuchel
But m. Who who.

41:53.97
Treacy 
So he would have been trying to use hardest. Um, so then it took six months to get into a ped you know, ah like a developmental pediatrician and anyway after they did all the confirmation with teachers and all the reports said. Yes, he's got adh there and we went down the med medication and. Things didn't magically change because he also has dyslexia a state at times that's his biggest problem at school but he had no chance of treating that dyslexia without treating the adhd.

42:29.10
louisekuchel
E.

42:30.60
Treacy 
Without being medicated. He had no chance and and up until that up I because I read a thesis on education and kids with Adhd last year I realized I'd spent forty thousand dollars out of my own pocket on assessment.

42:41.12
louisekuchel
Yeah.

42:48.66
Treacy 
And therapy since he was eighteen months old. And yeah, yeah, and I'm privileged to have that war and I've got I had that money but I had that money from working my butt off and my family helping.

42:50.20
louisekuchel
And that's that again, another familiar story and the other thing I know sorry yeah.

43:04.85
louisekuchel
Um, yes, absolutely and the other thing I notice from what you're saying is I have not heard you say once that anyone who was working with Noah that um.

43:06.47
Treacy 
I feel for the people that don't have that access access. Yes.

43:23.62
louisekuchel
The education system talked to you about what he's good at and what his strengths are and how they're going to build on those strengths where you ever faced with someone who kind of understood him or no no, it's just all about problem problem problem.

43:27.19
Treacy 
No, no, never never no and we were at that's right, We're at another school then then the schools where our boys went together and um and.

43:41.50
louisekuchel
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

43:46.35
Treacy 
I remember 1 day saying in a meeting is that can you say something nice about my son like surely there's stuff. He's good at like yeah I say and that you know that school.

43:51.65
louisekuchel
E.

44:02.59
Treacy 
I know noah's best mate in the whole while well was still at that school but then she might have his mom put him out that you know a school is dictated a lot by the Principal on their approach and that that school didn't wasn't there. So um.

44:05.21
louisekuchel
M.

44:12.83
louisekuchel
Um, have good leadership. Yeah, we've talked about this before too. Yeah, very true.

44:21.34
Treacy 
Yeah, so yeah, it was heartbreaking to always hear just negative stuff. But yeah.

44:25.95
louisekuchel
Yeah, yeah, and this is not an opportunity for you and I to sit here and whinge about teachers. That's not what this is about. We're trying to communicate to young families and any teachers listening or principals listening. We.

44:32.27
Treacy 
No yep.

44:44.70
louisekuchel
Absolutely value. We need value you and we need you to be working with us together. We're not um, you know wanting to put anyone down or blame anyone. We just all need to come together and be positive and find the strengths in the kids and.

44:48.38
Treacy 
E.

44:58.89
Treacy 
Yeah.

45:01.43
louisekuchel
Try and get some confidence if you're not confident about what to do and you don't understand what's happening for that child then do some professional development or something you know to try and yeah.

45:08.83
Treacy 
Yeah, or ask the parents like I used to say this to my clients. Um, when I was working with people directly I'd say you're the expert in your child. You know your child more than anyone I'd take that on board.

45:21.42
louisekuchel
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

45:27.48
Treacy 
Don't know why other people can't and and you know a lot of the problem is because we're also funding and everything comes from a deficit model. So they're always focusing on the deficit in order to get funding and you know that's why they wanted me to all these assessments.

45:36.70
louisekuchel
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

45:46.56
Treacy 
But they could get money but guess what Noah's never ever got any funding because he doesn't take the right boxes.

45:48.97
louisekuchel
No yeah, neither is my liam and yeah, there's a lot of people who just fit into that you're right I can edit this out. Oh how? nice.

45:56.53
Treacy 
Yeah, so thanks, he have always just brought me a coffee. Thank you Thank you? Yeah so yes, ah so yeah I said um, deficit model.

46:06.58
louisekuchel
Mid-podcast coffee. How exciting? Um, yeah, right now I forgot what I was going to say I was in them.

46:16.24
Treacy 
Ah, for funding. Oh yeah, so you know I know that Noa is or Tc but we've never no 1 said well haven't gone and done an assessment I spoke you know the Pediatrician has raised that but then he didn't even want to confirm the diagnosis either because. Because Noah doesn't you know he's bit different and because the social stuff So I'd have to put him for yet another assessment and um, what for like it's not going to give any anything it will help him maybe with his now.

46:37.27
louisekuchel
Um.

46:49.97
louisekuchel
Yep! rot.

46:53.71
Treacy 
Selfundanding It is still something that I will pursue but at the end of day I doubt it's going to get it might get me the Anddis but it definitely won't get any extra help at school. They've already said that. So.

47:06.54
louisekuchel
Yeahp yeah yeah, and for anyone listening the and ndis is the national funding. Um, or well the funding that we get here in Australia if you have a disability but it's meant to be a needs based funding system but it.

47:11.21
Treacy 
Yeah, the yeah.

47:19.35
Treacy 
No, no. But I will say Carly Finla recently shared something about the vernon of proof on.

47:23.47
louisekuchel
It's not always working that way. There are some problems there but we won't open that can of worms right now. Yeah.

47:37.58
Treacy 
People to prove their disabilities which and you know that's been a real issue going on for your whole everything and the Bern and me with my own executive fund city problems to always prove Noaa's stuff so it's worth looking into that.

47:42.18
louisekuchel
That affects this group. Mm.

47:53.63
louisekuchel
Yes, it's a catch twenty 2 isn't it. Yeah, it's a it's a real vicious cycle that because it's very hard as it is to prove it and we went through that exact same thing with lam it was like oh just another assessment and what's it going to do.

47:57.14
Treacy 
And reading about that because that's yeah.

48:06.12
Treacy 
Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

48:12.62
louisekuchel
Now and my next and this is probably the final we're getting towards the end now but the final kind of thing I really wanted to talk to you about. We can talk about about more stuff but I'm just saying this is and you're you're just leading into it. That's all about authenticity and about.

48:20.67
Treacy 
It.

48:27.10
Treacy 
Yep yep.

48:29.21
louisekuchel
Understanding yourself and you just mentioned there that you will pursue it for Noah because you want him to be an authentic person and self-aware because that's the way we can foster our self-esteem by really understanding ourselves and accepting ourselves how we are which is all about the square peg and this round hole again.

48:31.31
Treacy 
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

48:48.96
louisekuchel
So and I relate to that a lot I was going to say to you. You are 1 1 thing I have learned about you is ah I find you to be a really authentic person who really has taken a lot of time to understand yourself and accept yourself who you are you can hear it when you're talking and it's really refreshing and.

48:50.87
Treacy 
Yes.

49:02.74
Treacy 
Um, yeah, oh thank you.

49:08.66
louisekuchel
Ah, hope people Well I genuinely mean this I hope people listening feel that you don't have to mask you don't have to um you know, sort of be ashamed in any way.

49:19.35
Treacy 
Um, yeah.

49:21.27
louisekuchel
Anything about you If you're a good person inside your neurology doesn't matter. It's just part of your identity which is a wonderful thing. So can you finish us off with talking to us about yourself Tracy and about the journey you've been on on what you've learned about yourself.

49:27.21
Treacy 
Yes. Yes, Okay, yeah, so part of getting to that stage was learning to understand Noaa So I remember it was not long after I met you I discovered I mean. Because you know people put this label and then they don't tell you how to what to do after that or don't give you any information So I discovered Attitude Magazine um, you know and on their podcast and I I I listen to Russell Barkeley who's like oh um, 1 of his.

49:54.52
louisekuchel
Um, yeah, ah yeah, yeah.

50:06.45
louisekuchel
Um, yeah.

50:09.57
Treacy 
1 of his early episodes on their podcast I listened to 1 from him and then 1 from ned halliwell and they spoke about um, accepting your child the way they are and the basics of eighty eight c because you know I still had it in my mind I've been doing research but I still hadn in mind that.

50:29.78
louisekuchel
M.

50:29.40
Treacy 
Food coloring um blah blah blah. So and I remember hearing just that about the Ferrari brain in the voltswa and um, he know the Ferrari engine in like a volkswagen car or or you know some other.

50:43.20
louisekuchel
Yeah.

50:46.39
Treacy 
Carved without much grunt like it's trying to speed everywhere. It wants to but it cart or it can but then it spshes into a tree off up there and I was like Wow and when I heard that was then I just started becoming a bit obsessed with finding out more about ad eightc and that.

50:52.25
louisekuchel
Yep. Um, yeah.

51:01.23
louisekuchel
Um, yep.

51:06.80
Treacy 
And I already had that background of attachment parenting like you know my son is not. You know he's trying to communicate with me and and that led me down like with what's his name the cps model and Plan B Ross Green about.

51:23.10
louisekuchel
Ross Ross Green Dr Russ Green. Yeah.

51:25.37
Treacy 
And and about um, you know every behavior is a child trying to communicate. It's trying to tell us something and that really once I started hearing that and realizing that every meltdown was a response to something or it. My parenting became a lot easier because I wasn't constantly battling with Noaa and he was feeling hurt and I was there I might not still know what had caused something or what but when I saw when I was able to say okay, he's actually not coping now or something that allowed.

51:48.47
louisekuchel
Up here.

52:03.29
Treacy 
So the cat just opened the door that allowed me to um yeah to be a better parent I think and more accepting and that's right, yeah.

52:11.73
louisekuchel
Yes, yes, it changes everything doesn't it when you change that approach to your own child and you just stop arguing with them and trying to make them be something and you just see them Blossom Oh God Yes, yeah.

52:22.38
Treacy 
That's right Yes, there exactly but that was important for me as well. So anyway at this. So last I only just finished studying our masters in social work in during this year was supposed to only take 2 years and it took nearly four because atdhc anyway. So I had been miseddiagnosed 20 years earlier as having major depressive disorder. So I have been depressed.

52:45.00
louisekuchel
Yeah.

53:00.39
Treacy 
This pause I want to shut the door again because the cat opens.

53:01.81
louisekuchel
Yeah, yeah, it. Well we'll get rid of this pause.

53:13.68
Treacy 
Okay, back? Um, so um because I had been depressed I'd become depressed many times which I know now was Burnout um, overwhelmed trying to be someone I'm not trying to.

53:15.31
louisekuchel
So no worries, easy.

53:33.49
Treacy 
Manage and I kept rising up through the ranks that work in managerial roles because I needed the money. Um, but also because I'd get bored so I'm not 1 of these.

53:45.75
louisekuchel
This.

53:51.94
Treacy 
People but adhc I'm not 1 of these people that will go in the 1 job and work there for 20 years I remember we did some change management at once when the and ndis was coming in and we're all losing our jobs and we had all these people and off like bringing on I'm sick a baby I want a you new job.

54:06.91
louisekuchel
Well yeah, something else? Yeah yeah.

54:11.80
Treacy 
I was always um so anyway I was taken on jobs for the changes for the money but I wasn't coping when you spoke about my authentic self I'm too authentic for people often I'm too brutal.

54:21.21
louisekuchel
And.

54:28.95
Treacy 
I've been told you know I can um I get in trouble a lot to saying the wrong thing Again. It's trouble a lot at work I had this amazing. She's 1 of my closest friends a Bo for some time who'd kick me under the table or like we'd go into meetings with. You know I was part of the rollout of the and ndis Yeah, we'd go into meetings with big and ndis bosses and shed be like when we go in this meeting not allowed to say anything Tracy just but um, ah yeah, and we didn't know that you know anything about what was going on for me and I used to minute.

54:54.86
louisekuchel
Oh Wow she was your little coach at work. Yeah.

55:06.00
Treacy 
Everything every minute every meeting because that was how I made myself focus on what was being said because they thought my brain would I just had all these little techniques I'd do without knowing I was doing so anyway I was I got made of redundant and that's when I went back to uni.

55:11.78
louisekuchel
Wow. Um.

55:25.46
Treacy 
Because I'd tried 5 times before to do my masters and I just couldn't I couldn't while I was parenting and working and I thought that was the issue but adhd as well. So.

55:38.54
louisekuchel
Over there.

55:40.35
Treacy 
Anyway I was studying I become depressed again and I just study and I noticed I couldn't ever sit still I couldn't concentrate I couldn't bring myself to do any of the assignments until 2 hours before they would do etc and I started read.

55:52.40
louisekuchel
E.

55:55.68
Treacy 
Looking at the symptoms of ad eightc because I knew by then it's highly genetic. Um, and I kept thinking oh but they also a lot of them very similar to depression and I'd been in care of a private psychiatrist for 20 years by this stage and I'd been on lithium for 8 years

55:58.71
louisekuchel
In.

56:05.70
louisekuchel
Um. Um. Um, Wow, That's a pretty powerful thing. Yeah.

56:15.62
Treacy 
So lithium is a mood stabilizer. Yeah and the reason I was put on lithium is because I had untreatable in Vertacomma's ad 8 d I mean depression because my depression wasn't it was depression as a result.

56:27.50
louisekuchel
Depression.

56:34.81
Treacy 
Of Not knowing who I was and trying to be someone I'm not trying to make my brain work a different way and I'd get adhc and autistic burnout trying to fit in with stuff and um and because I'd also get become hyperactive and I thought oh I. Potentially could have bipolar so Lithium and I was on extremely high doses of Lithium and I've got a tremor now in my hand a permanent tremor because of that Lithium So This is a part of where I'm why I'm passionate about my current stuff. So.

57:09.79
louisekuchel
Well.

57:14.60
Treacy 
Um, and I started raising with this psychosis. Ah, do you think I could have Adhd I've been doing and I always felt dismissed so I did what a lot of Mums do and I tried my son's medication and um, like you shouldn't do that. But but I knew.

57:28.58
louisekuchel
Yep.

57:32.39
Treacy 
And I Eithera become like ah I was on speed or it would't and I only took a tiny minute amount and I just remember sitting there and and I was trying to study or sitting at the lounge with known his La La La talkingy baby does.

57:36.72
louisekuchel
Calm you.

57:51.50
Treacy 
And I was just like I wasn't having a meltdown like a normally would blackd. Yeah, but I tried I just ah, didn't couldn't concentrate any better but I was just like oh this is interested and I tried it 2 more times just to prove to myself. It wasn't a fluke or that I wasn't and that's when I knew.

57:57.28
louisekuchel
Um, yeah, yeah.

58:09.74
louisekuchel
M.

58:11.17
Treacy 
Um, and I found another psychiatrist who sat me listened to me for an hour asking about my life me Mom my phone had kept going off every five minutes with alarm notifications like because I'd have forty.

58:26.10
louisekuchel
Ah, dead give away.

58:28.75
Treacy 
Yeah, like ah now I wear an apple watch and every half an hour. It tells you like don't get to make you know do this to that and um because you definitely have eighty eight d you clear as day have eighty eight d and you've had it your whole life and I was like what either.

58:33.73
louisekuchel
Yeah, yeah, that's good.

58:41.43
louisekuchel
Ah, who needs a medical degree to tell you? ah okay.

58:47.60
Treacy 
And he said you're obviously good. Could you've set up technique you it tells it you've found ways of managing it. He said your depression is obviously because you weren't managing and I wasn't managing I was drinking heavily to manage and I would also self-harm. As because I would beat myself up because I I just see why can't I just deal with a normal day like everyone else can why is this so hard and I always had people knowledge is power and.

59:12.69
louisekuchel
Who.

59:24.32
Treacy 
I haven't had an episode of depression I got quite stressed last year with lockdown trying to finish your uni etc but I have not been depressed to the les I used to be when thinking about suicidet etc since knowing because it makes me.

59:37.55
louisekuchel
Um, goodness.

59:42.64
Treacy 
When I can't cope with something now I don't think why am I such a failure I think I think oh your brain doesn't do that. You need to reduce something that's going on forgive yourself be nicer to yourself like and that's why um.

59:56.34
louisekuchel
Oh yeah, yep. I was yeah, don't blame you? Yes I think this is so women and I actually know a couple of men as well who I hope are listening to this right now and but that that story of um, the.

01:00:01.10
Treacy 
But why cart shut up about it especially about for women. Yeah. Um, yeah, yeah.

01:00:18.97
louisekuchel
Untreated or what they have I call it something else I call it? um the clinical depression that is treatment resistance Sorry I'll delete all that stuff I just said then gosh yeah.

01:00:23.68
Treacy 
Yeah, yeah trade. Well they wanted to do ect on me. That's how bad they thought my depression was and I had to.

01:00:35.20
louisekuchel
Um, um, treatment resistant clinical depression that is not actually what your condition was and and it was actually being neurodiergent which is you know, untreated leading to depression and say you're on Lithium you've got a permanent.

01:00:40.82
Treacy 
No yes, that's right? Yeah I was not yet treman now. Yeah.

01:00:54.60
louisekuchel
Um, Tremor they were talking about ect but actually was just all misdiagnosis. So yeah, um, yeah.

01:01:00.79
Treacy 
That's right? so and I was like I'd tried every antidepressant on the market I was also on antipsychotic once I've been put on Sarahroco I've been on putting heavy duty meds and I've been working with people with severe mental illness I was the In- Homeme carer.

01:01:11.61
louisekuchel
Wow in.

01:01:18.75
Treacy 
And I'd see them on the same medication as me and I'd be on a higher dose and I think why am I here functioning sort of with determination and they can't do it and us this. It's not right something so right? And yeah.

01:01:20.31
louisekuchel
Um, yeah. Um, yeah.

01:01:31.53
louisekuchel
Yeah, yeah, oh look I Hope people are listening to this and and hearing this is very common and this does happen to people they can get right up into their forty s and fifty s and not have realized what was really going on and.

01:01:37.70
Treacy 
Yeah. Yeah yeah, I was forty 2 yeah forty 1 and ten months or something when I was finally diagnosed and I don't take those medications anymore I take a very low dose.

01:01:47.94
louisekuchel
It's worthwhile going and talking to someone you're forty 2 right? Alright geez.

01:01:58.18
louisekuchel
Um.

01:02:00.91
Treacy 
Um, an any anxiety medication but all the ah other thing on I'm on now is my ad 8 d beds. Yeah yeah, so yeah, so so yes I've been.

01:02:06.45
louisekuchel
Medication and yeah, which is yeah, that's perfectly normal and fine and what about most recently.

01:02:20.19
Treacy 
Um, just the last month last few months after being out there in the eighty eight the community and researching and you know and in groups and social media is amazing for the for that because it seems because you can't. Fine much especially for women and you know it's coming up more and more more and more celebrities now is coming out saying they've been diagnosed with eighty eight c because women have not been. You know it's everything's on the old model of white males.

01:02:56.20
louisekuchel
E.

01:02:57.40
Treacy 
And so women are very good at masking. Um, but anyway that's another thing So I Um anyway I started realizing that I have a lot of autistic symptoms and and then I've. Recently started reading Klembato She wrote a book. That's just come out. Um, she's an Australian Writer. Ah I can't remember what a book but it's about her late diagnosis of a Iss a late Bloomer. It's called and I was reading. Yeah.

01:03:27.46
louisekuchel
Late bloomer. Okay, we'll put that in the show notes too that sounds interesting I haven't read that.

01:03:32.36
Treacy 
And yeah and i' started realizing now I thought I've got all these yeah anyway. So I spoke to my psychiatrist and she confirmed that and um, that's only like a month ago so that's really I'm still processing that and i've.

01:03:38.27
louisekuchel
E.

01:03:46.70
louisekuchel
Um.

01:03:51.41
Treacy 
Last year I was dealing with a lot of grief about not being diagnosed and the way my life has gone because of that you know it's school how school never fitting in going into bad relationships I've got myself in lots of physical danger. At times because of impulsive decisions. The amount of debt I've racked up etc from impulsive spend so I was really angry about a lot of that Stuff. So I think this new I ever haven't processed this latest diagnosis yet or I've kind of dealt with that stuff. But.

01:04:27.82
louisekuchel
O who.

01:04:29.56
Treacy 
Just explains so much of my life. So now I've finished uni and I'm a social worker and 1 of the things I'm really I specialize in mental health because so I still want to try other things but I'm really. Obviously very passionate about people with mental Ill Health and especially a focus of mine is on Neurod divergent people with mental Health and I noticed that because I work in a psyche at Atric Emergency ward.

01:04:59.88
louisekuchel
Yes, yeah.

01:05:06.96
Treacy 
And I see a lot of people coming through with burnout who have Adhd or autism or strongly suspect of them or both and they don't know anything about their condition or they don't I think there's a lot of power.

01:05:14.70
louisekuchel
A.

01:05:25.94
Treacy 
People knowing that they're actually trying to function in a you know be a square pair Geta round hole like and that is what's causing a lot of mental health problems rather than than actually being mentally unwell so I really want to.

01:05:38.39
louisekuchel
Yep.

01:05:45.40
Treacy 
Support people 1 day specifically in that kind of work that's a real passion about mine now and I keep you know just knowing like I'm really big on teaching noah like when things are going wrong and he he starts getting angry at himself or frustrated and like that's.

01:05:49.92
louisekuchel
Ah, yeah.

01:06:04.94
Treacy 
You're not a failure. Your brain isn't is works differently and I'm trying to always tell him you know you're finding that hard because that's not natural for your brain to do and and ah giving him that power so he doesn't think there's something wrong with him.

01:06:17.62
louisekuchel
Yep.

01:06:25.14
louisekuchel
Yep.

01:06:24.41
Treacy 
And I and and I hear him I've told you so I hear him but say to people like stick because I'm not I'm not baded up I have eighty eight d I like I hear him sticking up for himself. Yeah, and I make it my business to constantly tell school that and um.

01:06:27.71
louisekuchel
Um, yeah, yeah. Good boy. Yes. Yeah, and you got to work hard at that those messages have to get over because they they forget you know and they've got lots of kids that they're teaching. So yeah, you do a good such a good job of that We were always talking about that. Yeah.

01:06:42.78
Treacy 
You know this is yeah yes, they do? Yeah yeah, but um, we finally got this year he's had 2 nice things from teachers. And 1 was just just before school broke up and so I was been working from home remote learning and he got such a lovely message from his history teacher saying how hard he tries and how this always turns up with a smile in his face and you know when you have all you ever hear is negative things.

01:07:19.77
louisekuchel
Yep yep yep yep I can relate oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Yes, we have the same thing just at like liam actually got a little note in the mail.

01:07:22.57
Treacy 
Um I did burst into tears at work when I read that in? Yeah yeah, yeah, well well.

01:07:36.53
louisekuchel
From a like actual post letter box and that a teacher had mailed him a card and again just 1 of those teachers actually is he's a history teacher as well and just you're doing really? Well, we're really impressed with you. We've all noticed and I'm your mentor teacher and this sort of thing is just something that.

01:07:40.76
Treacy 
Oh.

01:07:47.00
Treacy 
Ah, oh.

01:07:56.47
louisekuchel
People don't realize how important that is you've just said it. We've both lived through that and seen the benefit of a good relationship with teaching staff it? Yeah so a powerful nope.

01:07:57.60
Treacy 
Oh no I know yeah and that doesn't that doesn't take funding or anything to just throw. It's just like a you know strain someone a bone? yes.

01:08:14.21
louisekuchel
Just kindness. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so important and so powerful and such a big deal for all of us all of us every 1 of us but particularly our little square pegs because they and you're a square peg too.

01:08:16.75
Treacy 
Find that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

01:08:30.22
louisekuchel
And you know what it's like to go through years and years of negative to then have some positive like I remember when you you graduated and and you finished your degree your latest. What What did you do your masters and now you've got your dream job and it's you know it's all starting to.

01:08:35.77
Treacy 
That's right? yes.

01:08:41.60
Treacy 
Master. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right? Yeah, yeah, that's right.

01:08:49.52
louisekuchel
Fall into place but it's ah it's an ongoing journey isn't it. It never really ends it just gets better hopefully with some insight and awareness of the good. The good things. Okay, well we're kind of getting to the point now where people have walked. Their dogs is That's my um say my latest saying.

01:09:00.97
Treacy 
Yeah.

01:09:05.13
Treacy 
Ah, yeah, yeah I they've arrived at their destination. That's what like I listen them when I'm driving.

01:09:09.16
louisekuchel
People have bought their dogs. They they want to come home now and and they've they've listened to to you and you've been brilliant I Knew you would be Yeah, that's right, you know because you listen to exactly so I mean obviously um.

01:09:22.67
Treacy 
Yeah.

01:09:27.51
louisekuchel
Um, I'll do editing and things to hopefully make it interesting listening but you said so many really great things there Tracy Thank you so much I Knew you'd be awesome. Yes, you did because it's lived experience and you've yeah, you've got all sorts of experiences there that.

01:09:28.10
Treacy 
Yes.

01:09:34.77
Treacy 
Really? ah.

01:09:47.16
louisekuchel
I Hope young people particularly single parents listening will feel a boost and a camaraderie from you. There's There's many people out there like you guys that um are living thus very similar experience and you know.

01:09:51.24
Treacy 
Yeah, yep.

01:09:58.77
Treacy 
Yes. Yeah.

01:10:05.86
louisekuchel
It's not the end of the world. Things can get better. We've got to all be together and support each other. So yeah, yeah, is there anything else you wanted to discuss or say or.

01:10:09.12
Treacy 
Yeah, for Sure. Yep. Ah, no, you did mention that um the question about where people could get help. Yeah, ah.

01:10:22.47
louisekuchel
Yes, please Yes, what do you want people to know what tell tell us and the thing is if you say things um places or links. Whatever I can put all this in the show notes and we'll put it on the website and all that yes so tell me what what you want people to know.

01:10:31.39
Treacy 
Okay, okay, cool. Um, so well firstly in regards to mental health if you that if you are struggling. Please ask for help people do want to help you.

01:10:41.20
louisekuchel
Um.

01:10:51.90
Treacy 
Um, it um it might not people often think they're not severe enough or you know mine I always hear. Ah but my needs aren't as much as you know? Ah, my situation isn't as bad as other people if it's bad for you. It's bad.

01:11:03.85
louisekuchel
Um, yeah, yes.

01:11:10.43
Treacy 
Please ask for help gp there's the mental health assistance line there 24 hours. You know, ask for help message me I'd eat care I will find you know just there is help if you are in a crisis There's also. You know parenting is so so tough and I know been myself and having child that no regular mother's group didn't work for us but didn't fit in my kid. You know wasn't doing what the other kids were doing you know so there are. Social media. There is a really good resource for that like there's so many groups online like there's 2 p in a pod podcast. There's the Petra blailers There's so many things that are out there that can help you feel less alone and um and people. Even if it's messaging people on the other side of the world in the middle of the night and just think it's great to find people that are there so please. That's what I just want people to reach out stop trying to do it on your own that you're not a failure for asking for help.

01:12:23.80
louisekuchel
Yep, yeah, that's so kind and wonderful of you to say that and I I would reiterate that I'm here as well for people if anyone wants me I don't know but you know you're right? Just anyone who you feel comfortable talking to and.

01:12:25.72
Treacy 
That's what I want people to know.

01:12:32.89
Treacy 
Here. Yes.

01:12:40.64
louisekuchel
Um, Tracy I will ask you about this after but I'll just record this now. So um and Tracy you don't mind if um.

01:12:44.33
Treacy 
Yeah.

01:12:52.26
louisekuchel
Patreon members for squarepere ground hole contact to you if they're feeling like they need to talk to someone about the issues you've discussed in this podcast is that okay.

01:12:54.00
Treacy 
um yeah yeah that's yeah that's okay um I have like a kind of Instagram page. That's not really good like because it takes effort but I try and share things about stuff there and messaging me through there's probably good way. Um.

01:13:12.39
louisekuchel
Um, okay, that's gray like okay.

01:13:18.77
Treacy 
But um, but because I might not get back if there is a media crisis need please even triple zero. They will not turn you away if you need help. But yeah I'll give you the link for that Instagram page because I share stuff on there.

01:13:29.10
louisekuchel
Um, yes, yeah, thank you? Okay, okay and I'll share that with people. Definitely thank you. That's really good I mean if you had have said no I would have just taken it out.

01:13:37.38
Treacy 
Um, yes, um.

01:13:46.15
louisekuchel
God I'm going to be editing this 1 heaves I'm going to be ages on this episode.

01:13:45.44
Treacy 
Ah, ah yeah I mean that's my job is I'm a community worker by heart and I and often provide the support itself but I can listen and refer. So yeah and oh my. My other tip is be.

01:13:58.32
louisekuchel
Yes, yeah, of course Yes, that's right? yeah.

01:14:05.50
Treacy 
So with a bone like oh or what is it like nag nag if you have to make people listen to you because you know your child better than anyone else make people listen if they don't listen go to the next person and try them. Someone will eventually listen to you.

01:14:06.30
louisekuchel
Um, yeah, yes, yes, I'm really good at that. But yeah. I think that's a major secret to success because you know we've both been that sort of parent and you don't have to do it in a negative way you can be really positive and I think the parents who are really successful with getting the right supports for their kids especially at school are those ones who do it? well.

01:14:23.95
Treacy 
Well.

01:14:31.59
Treacy 
That's right? yeah.

01:14:40.96
louisekuchel
Not just nagging and whinging and complaining all the time. Yes, nagging but doing it with some insistence but also kindness and respect for the teachers. Yeah yeah, it can be done Yes, all right? Well we better finish now I'll edit heaps of this out. Don't worry.

01:14:40.59
Treacy 
Yep, no yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right? Yeah yeah. Sorry for taking so long. Okay.

01:15:00.44
louisekuchel
God I'm going to be editing. Um, okay so I'll finish this off Well Tracy Thank you? Yeah, you're brilliant I haven't finished yet. We're still recording. Okay I'll not again. Ah, don't worry. It's all good.

01:15:03.62
Treacy 
You sure I you so I was right? Okay, okay, all like I'm sorry.

01:15:18.85
louisekuchel
Um, you'll be surprised when you hear this you won't hear any of this stuff Tracy you are our special understanding person. You've got you've got a special understanding with your son with your son's school with yourself.

01:15:18.90
Treacy 
Okay.

01:15:35.43
louisekuchel
The authenticity is the key here and I've loved talking to you and hearing your story. It's been fascinating I've learnedt more about you. But um I've been so impressed with you. You're a legend you really are thank you so much for being on the podcast.

01:15:51.21
Treacy 
Thanks! Thank you I Have you know I can talk for as long as people they reach why know was my and but yeah, yeah.

01:15:56.13
louisekuchel
You're welcome. We all can. That's how that's why I'm the editor. We all can talk and talk and talk. Um, but yeah I hope someone listening got some really great messages from you today and I know they will have so thanks again, no worries.

01:16:09.62
Treacy 
Thank you. Thank you Lee I Can't wait to make everyone listen to it. Thank you bye.

01:16:19.90
louisekuchel
Yeah, yeah, that's right? Well you got to round up the troops. Okay I'm going to sign us off tracy. Thanks everybody for listening. Thank you from Squarepere ground Hole bye.